i'm fucking scared
i'm fucking scared because i don't know a thing about tomorrow
i don't know a thing about the future.
i know what i want to be
i know who i want to be
but i don't know how i'll get there
how i'll become that.
i don't know
if i'll be able
to do all the things i want
but i don't know how to make them happen, either.
i don't even know if i can make them happen.
what if
tomorrow
i fail
and start working at an office
for the rest of my life
what if
i stay single forever
what if i never get to go
to all the places i ever wanted
what if i can't make a change
what if all this time i was wrong
what if all the people around me
who believe in me
and who don't
fade away.
what if i stay here
stuck in the moment
because i'm fucking scared?
i don't want that.
all i know is i don't want that.

empiezo a sospechar que en realidad, nadie me conoce. al parecer todos los que están alrededor me ven de una manera que no termina de ser completamente yo. muchos me ven incapaz de ciertas cosas. me etiquetan. creen que soy algo, y en realidad soy otra cosa. me da miedo. porque si hasta ahora nadie terminó de conocerme... ¿alguna vez alguien lo hará?

por si no lo notaron, estoy poeta últimamente.
que se acepte.

really

want

this

Sometimes I just wish I could like freeze all the people around me but you.
So then I could talk to you for hours. I wouldn't be this fucking scared.

it scares me how much i want this.

can

somebody

stop

my

train

of

thought

right

now

?

This is what I think about money. In the end, it's worthless. And I know that's not breaking news; I know most of people know it and they actually live their lives based on that statement. But the truth is I found out it actually means absolutely nothing.

Picture this. You're a powerful millionaire, surrounded by extravagancy and elegancy. Surrounded by things that make you different from the others. And one day, you decide you want to go see the other world. See the people who have nothing, who are the exact opposite of yourself. Anywhere in this world. And people or situations out there melt your heart. They teach you lessons. They make you want to do something. Anything. To save them.

But you can't. Because money means nothing. Money can't buy hope and money can't buy happiness. Money can't buy the lives of all those who are not here anymore. Money can't save the ones who are already in danger. Money can't do anything. Maybe not even for the future. You can donate everything you have until you're left with nothing at all. And still then, it won't be enough. Pain will still be there. Injuries. Illnesses. Losses. Misery. No matter how great you are, no matter the enormous amount of money you own... there are people who won't be safe in time. 

And even though you've helped saving MANY lives, because millions would maybe do that, there's still people out there who would need someone else's help. Someone else's money. 

I can't understand how this is supposed to work. This world is just messed up. Fucked up in all kinds of ways. We spend lots on money in useless things as fancy cars, big TV screens, expensive clothes. We pretend the people from the other side of the world don't exist. We are supposed to live a life surrounded by dreams and ideals of perfection and that's not even close to be true. That's bullshit. The biggest and cruelest bullshit. We cry for break-up's, we cry over arguments with people we love, we cry for things we can't have. And... there are people out there who have nothing to cry for, because everything in their lives is worth a tear. They're truly hopeless. Because not even money can save them. Not even Bill Gates' or Pope Benedict's money could save them. Not even that. So what's the point, anyway? Why would you want so much money? Why?

Sure you can make a difference, that's admirable. But that should be the right thing to do. We are so fucked up I don't even know where to begin. I want to make a fucking difference, but it's useless. It's so fucking useless and unfair and I fucking hate this.

I fucking hate that no matter how much you have, you've still got nothing at all.

Our little lives don't count at all.

________

I know this makes no fucking sense, and I don't even know why I wrote it in English. The thing is, I was watching some videos of... well, you might imagine what... and I got a little angry. Sorry for that. I shall keep the entry for super personal and self-esteem reasons, anyway. I think it's nice, I don't know. Maybe it's not a very substantiated argument, because there's so much more than the little things I see, or the real power of money, or the actual meaning of life. I know we are not useless. I know that making a difference is actually something. I just felt powerless for a second. That's it. Sorry if this fucks up with your head, that wasn't my intention. 

No importa que no escribo desde el año pasado en este blog, ni que ya ni me acordaba cómo era el diseño (muy lindo por cierto, mis felicitaciones a mí misma), ni que tengo bastantes cosas para contar ni que el mundo no se terminó el veintiuno de diciembre como decían los mayas, porque traigo a mi blog la entrada más importante de todas. The master of the entradas.

UNA ENTRADA SOBRE PUGS.

Estoy llorando, y no es joda. Juro que pateleé, grité, chillé y me reí mirando este video y fui muy feliz durante varios minutos, porque quiero que sepan que lo repetí. Y lo agregué a favoritos. Y puede que lo haya publicado en algunos grupos de facebook que comparto con mis amigas.. y puede que lo descargue al celular para verlo en los viajes de colectivo. Y puede que se lo muestre a mi vieja... y puede que lo ponga de ringtone, no sé. 

ESTOY LLORANDO. REGÁLENME UN PUG.

Se va a llamar Bob como Bob Marley y Bob Dylan, y B.o.B el que canta "Airplanes" con Hayley Williams (muy buen tema, óiganlo!) pero lo más importante es que va a ser un PUG y va a ser HERMOSO y lo AMO y no existe todavía pero YA LO AMO. Y y y y y en Gesell me encontré con un PUG y les juro que fueron los mejores cinco segundos de mi existencia en la costa (un poco) y nada, fui muy feliz y cada cinco minutos sonreía porque me acordaba de los ojitos bizcos mirando para ambos lados y de la lenguita y las arruguitas y AAAHHHH PUG BOB VEN A MI, NO TE CONOZCO PERO YA TE AMO, AMAMEEEEEEEE.

Gracias por su atención.

Pero al que más quiero es a Bob. 

tengo tu sonrisa pintada en la memoria

y no se va,

no se va.

and i love you

because

you

blush

A veces me pregunto si los momentos difíciles unen a las personas. Por cuánto tiempo. Deseo que sea para siempre. Las quiero a mi lado para siempre, chicas. Las aprendí a querer demasiado en muy poco tiempo. No nos dejemos.

tattoos

why is people so freaking obsessed with weight? don't they understand your body is the only thing you can't change? that it's the only thing that will stay here for you for ever? why don't you spend more time trying to make a better person out of yourself instead? why don't you try to change your bad attitudes? why don't you start making better decisions? defining your values? making your personality be a better version of who you want to be? why don't people, instead of hating something they have, try to love who they are? why would you rather be good looking than a good person? that's what defines you in the end. who you are. not what you have or what you look like. what and who are the key words. that's the difference. that's why this society keeps falling down instead of rising up.

todo lo que quiero es alguien en quien creer

y vuelven todos los fantasmas del pasado.
se supone que ya superé la etapa de "odio mi cuerpo" y que ahora que "maduré" debería quererme un poquito más.

austin, texas.

new york city.

europe.

please.

so if everything happens for a reason... i wonder why i fell in love with you.

cuando un círculo la abandona, se guarda las lágrimas y vuelve con otro. para tapar las heridas, para no mostrar nada.

Es tan sencillo como querer agarrar una valija, tirar literalmente TODO el armario ahi adentro y salir corriendo a Ezeiza a comprar el primer pasaje que se me cruce por la cabeza.